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Unhappy Holidays. Is this your experience? It’s okay. You’re among friends here. Judah’s Roar-r is a “No Judgement Zone”. That means that at least for the period of time that you are visiting us, you can take a much deserved break from PRETENDING to be full to the brim with holiday cheer!
The holidays are a particularly challenging time for many. You would be shocked to know just how many people that you interact with on a regular basis secretly can’t WAIT for the holiday season to be over! My guess is that you would be equally taken aback about WHO they are!
There is holiday music being piped into malls, grocery stores, restaurant chains. There’s virtually no escaping it. Since prior to Thanksgiving, Christmas has been heralded in advertisements, sales, etc.
There is the seemingly never-ending hustle and bustle, and the almost frenetic excitement around purchasing the “perfect” gifts for loved ones – if we can afford it or not.
Many use this time of year to “jump start” a waning genuine exuberance for day to day life. Unfortunately, the standard by which many evaluate their station in life is often the “mis- perceived” gloriously happy status of others.
The reality is, we all are confronted with life challenges. However, many of us are fiercely resistant to acknowledging that maybe – just maybe we’re not as happy as we need for others to believe.There are many reasons for this annual pretense of holiday cheer:
In some ways it is easier to pretend to be happy than to navigate the series of questions that one may have to respond to if the pretense was dropped.
Beyond simply acknowledging a lack of excitement/happiness, is the distinct possibility, that having done so you now must defend and justify your reasons for feeling this way. Who feels like doing that?!
Perhaps you have experienced a potentially devastating loss: the death of a loved one, the “death” or ending of a pivotal relationship in your life, the loss of employment, the loss of a pet, the loss of status or financial security.
It’s possible that you have experienced domestic violence, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, gaslighting, stalking, threats, intimidation or even sexual assault.
Perhaps you or a loved one has received a negative prognosis from your doctor.
It could be the ANNIVERSARY of one of these painful experiences. First anniversary, third or twenty – third anniversary; there is no predetermined end date for grieving a loss.
Let’s take a look at a different perspective: Perhaps you just began a new relationship. Maybe it’s a romantic relationship, or engagement. It may be a new job, the purchase of a big ticket item ( like a car or home) – but you are now second – guessing your commitment. This would be a kind of “buyers remorse”. Regret is a powerful thing, and often elicits feelings of despondency, resentment and even anger.
It is so important, Beloved that you understand that you have every right to move through your grief cycle as needed. Processing grief is not an exact, linear progression and experience. Some days will be better than others. Some days you may feel ready to conquer the world; other days..not so much. This is perfectly normal.
What can be done about this, practically speaking?
- Identify at least one person that you can confide in without feeling judged.
- Share your feelings with them. Problem solve with them.
- Resist the urge to retreat into total isolation.
- Spend some time with others – set a limit of a couple of hours if necessary.
- Consider volunteering during the holiday season. Helping others is a good way to shift our perspective and a great reminder that we DO have something of value to offer others: our TIME.
- Allow yourself to feel your loss, sadness, frustration. However, literally, set a timer. Allow your self 30 minutes, or an hour to just feel what you are feeling. Scream into your pillow, cry, write in your journal, talk to a friend. Then, when the buzzer sounds it’s time to get up and engage in meaningful activity.
- If you have been prescribed medication, TAKE IT AS PRESCRIBED. If it is not helping, contact your doctor. Do not increase the dosage on your own. This is not the time to resort to home remedies or rely on prayer alone.
- Let me say it again (for the people in back): I am an Apostle in the Lords church, I have ministered the gospel for over 25 years. I am an intercessor and prayer warrior. I am a mental health professional. I absolutely believe in the healing power of God – and have experienced it myself. Having said ALL of that : IF YOU ARE PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS, TAKE THEM AS PRESCRIBED. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO GET DEEP AND MYSTICAL. IF YOUR MEDS ARE NOT WORKING, OR THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE EXCESSIVELY TROUBLESOME CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.
- Practice Self – Care, especially if you don’t feel like it. Eat balanced meals, rest and try to get moderate exercise. You don’t have to run a marathon, but walking or light stretching can also be beneficial.
- What are you feeding your spiritual man? Intentionally read, listen to and view things that are uplifting: worship or inspirational music, positive podcasts, read or listen to the Bible.
- Know that there are various hotlines available 24/7 – even during the holidays to assist you:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, -800-273-8255
- Veterans Crisis Line, 1-800-273-8255 then press 1. Confidential Crisis Chat : Veterans Crisis Line.net, or text to 838255.
- National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE
- National Human Trafficking Hotline, 888-373-7888 Listen, although you may feel alone, the truth of the matter is that you’re not alone. Many struggle with feelings of sadness, frustration, even apathy which is exacerbated by the seeming boundless ” holiday cheer of friends, co workers and neighbors. What’s important? It’s important that you are able to acknowledge your true feelings, that you are able to confide in at least one other trusted human being ( call a hotline if you need to) and that you practice self-care. If you are able to do these things, you’re already ahead of those who are not yet able to acknowledge their true feelings. Be encouraged. You are greatly loved, and there is most definitely greatness in you!#Unhappy#Holidays#Christmas# Depression#DomesticViolence#Grief#Loss#Judahsroar-r#Hotline#SpeakTruthToPower