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Safety Planning. What exactly is safety planning? It is the development of an actual Safety Plan. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, a Safety Plan is
A personalized, practical plan that can help you avoid dangerous situations and know the best way to react when you are in danger.
Forty percent (40%) of child abuse victims report domestic violence in the home.
Safety Plan Components
What exactly is contained in a Safety Plan? Many are under the mistaken impression that Safety Planning only becomes relevant, once a victim of abuse decides to leave his/her abuser. On the contrary, an effective Safety Plan will also explore and identify the best ways for the victim to ensure their safety while still in an abusive relationship. Therefore, there are many components to a well crafted Safety Plan. Having said that, due to the nuances that exist in different relationships, no two Safety Plans are exactly the same. However, there are several components that are pretty universal:
- Strategies for staying safe while in the relationship.
- Strategies for staying safe while planning to leave the relationship.
- Strategies for maintaining your safety after you leave the relationship.
- Coping with your emotions while in the relationship, planning to leave the relationship, or once you have left the relationship
- Deciding how to tell family and friends about the abuse
- Dealing with the repercussions of having shared with others the details of the abuse : emotionally, etc.
- Taking legal action: what the available options are and discussion regarding their effectiveness.
- Safety Planning, to be most effective can include the victim as well as his/her support system: family, friends, co-workers,etc.
- Depending on the type of abuse being experienced, the safety planning may vary somewhat.
On the surface, and at the onset of developing a Safety Plan, it may seem a bit tedious, as one may think that some of the steps are so completely obvious. It’s vitally important, however that every detail is addressed. The reason for that is due to the erratic, though cyclical pattern that abuse tends to take things could escalate very quickly. Generally when we are exposed to sudden stress, it becomes very challenging to remain in full control of our thought processes.
Physical Violence
If your significant other has escalated to violence or not, it is advisable that you do what I was taught in the military:
”Prepare for your most stringent tasking”.
This essentially means that it is better to have a well thought out plan, with the ultimate goal being to remain safe by having a plan in place should the need arise. Having a viable plan in place goes a long way towards reducing ones stress level in the moment.
Identify the areas in your home which are the safest. These areas should not contain potential weapons ( for this reason, the kitchen would not be considered a “safe place” in most instances). Try to identify a space with a relatively easy escape route. Do your level best to avoid an argument, but often this is not possible due to the mindset of the abuser. In the event of an argument, try to get to your safe place. Once there curl up as best you can, while protecting your head, face and neck.
The objective at this point is to get through the abuse without losing consciousness, and minimizing injury as much as possible.
Children and Safety Planning
If you have children, your safety plan should take into account what is needed to plan for their safety both physically and emotionally. Each child is unique. For example, you may very well have two children who are impacted in two completely different ways by the tension or the abuse that they have witnessed or even experienced themselves in the home. You will need to take into account their individual differences and even their maturity level and quality of relationship with the abuser. Consider that any plans that you share with them could be relayed inadvertently to the abuser.
One way of addressing safety planning with children is to teach them how to know when to either find a safe place in the home, or to seek help by way of a phone call or leaving the home. Consider designating a code word or phrase which when used, requires a specific response ( call for help, go to their safe place and hide, or leave the home for help). Practice with them how to leave the home safely in the event there is an emergency.
Don’t frame it this way: “This is what we need to do if your Dad/Mom/ Caretaker starts to act up!”. That is not a statement that you want repeated to the abuser, inadvertently or otherwise.
In light of the escalated violence that has occurred in public places: schools, churches, synagogues, movie theaters, malls etc., it is perfectly feasible to present these conversations to your children in terms of maintaining safety – everywhere. We’ll take a look at Safety Planning and what it entails when the abuse is emotional, in a future post.
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Hotlines
Below is a list of hotlines that are available to assist you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week:
In an immediate emergency, dial 911.
Veterans Crisis Line, 1-800-273-8255 then press 1. Confidential Crisis Chat : Veterans Crisis Line.net, or text to 838255.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255
National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE
National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888 (24/7, support is provided in more than 200 languages) . Email: help@humantraffickinghotline.org