You’re Crushing My Spirit! (The Cycle of Violence)

We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.

Grace and Peace, Beloved of God

I’m grateful that you have chosen to visit “Judah’s Roar-r-r”.  It is my prayer that you will read something here that ignites a fire within you to prayerfully but definitively address injustice in the world around you – even if it is found in church. The church is to be a place of safety – a refuge for those who are hurting and discouraged. It is appalling that we have corporately become so desensitized to our co laborers in the Gospel that domestic violence has gained strength among believers: it seems that we simply lack discernment and authentic love. We must do better. There are those among us who literally dread going home after the “Benediction” to routine verbal, emotional, physical, financial or even sexual abuse. We will each stand before the Lord one day to give account for all that we have done – and what we have failed to do. This very relevant “spiritual health crisis” in my opinion threatens and diminishes our ability to effectively advance the kingdom of God. There are those who will say: ” Be careful what you say about the Lord’s church!” I submit to you that it behooves each of us to be very concerned about the sin that is in the camp.

Understand this:  I expect resistance – in the form of a deafening silence from many of those that we “honor” in ministry: Apostles, Prophets, Pastors, Evangelists, Teachers, Elders, Deacons, Deaconess’.  Having said that, I absolutely refuse to go sit down in a corner somewhere and be quiet. I have been mandated to bring attention to this “Silent Epidemic”, because that is precisely what it is. It is demonically perpetuated. There is a deepened sense of “religiosity” that serves only to keep us bound. Religiosity is no substitute for an authentic, life changing relationship with Jesus Christ.

It is of no consequence if the abuser considers themselves, or is considered by others a “General” of the faith. If they are complicit in the abuse of the Lord’s creation (adult or child, regardless of gender) or are engaging in a cycle of abusive behaviors they are in sin.

For too long the church has equated preaching a rousing sermon, raising a hefty offering, and casting out devils with all it takes to please the Lord. The Lord is far more interested in how we demonstrate authentic love one for another. It is important to note that the “Abuser” contrary to popular belief is not always the male partner. Either partner can be the abuser. Men often are resistant to reporting being the victim of abuse, especially by their female partner.

This particular blog post will  provide an overview of the ” Cycle of Violence”  Future posts will examine each phase of  Cycle of Violence. Increased awareness and education is key. Feel free to share, like and comment after you have read the post in its entirety. Ready? Let’s Begin!

WHAT IS THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE?

The “Cycle of Violence”  ( identified in the late 1970’s by Dr Lenore Walker) refers to repeated and dangerous acts of violence as a cyclical pattern, associated with high emotions and underpinnings of retribution or revenge. The cycle repeats itself. It’s important to be aware that the entire cycle may occur in one day or it may play out over weeks or months. It is also important to know that not all domestic violence situations fit neatly into this cycle. The amount of time spent in each phase may vary.  There are 3 primary phases of the cycle:

1) Tension Buiding Phase

2)  Explosion or Crisis Phase  and

3) Honeymoon or Calm Phase. Over time, without intervention the frequency and severity of abuse will increase.

What does this mean for “born again, spirit filled Christians”? It means we must do something in addition to prayer. We must put “feet” to our faith. We must get involved in practical ways.  I know personally of women who although they sought and received prayer regarding their abusive living situations, remained in those relationships and were brutally abused by the abuser. One young lady, a single mother and a believer was shot in the head as she slept. She did not survive.

1) In the Tension Building or Build -up Phase, tension  typically builds over common domestic challenges (i.e., work, finances or children) or perceived infractions or disappointments. The infractions  may be real or imagined. Verbal and/or Emotional abuse soon follow. This typically manifests as name calling, demeaning comments or veiled threats. The abusers tone of voice  may “sound” angry – or not. The victim ( who can be either partner) attempts to control the situation by catering to or appeasing the abuser. Both parties may try to rationalize the irrational behavior, attributing it to stress, etc. This phase typically results in a sense of heightened sense of nervousness, fear and anxiety on the part of the victim.

2) The Crisis Phase: this is the phase in which the acute abusive “incident” occurs. The abuse may be physical, emotional or sexual in nature. It is in this phase that intimidation is established as a force to be reckoned with.

3) The Honeymoon  or Calm Phase: It is in this phase that the abuser expresses remorse. It is not unusual for the victim to also express remorse. In some instances the abuser will deny or minimize the severity of the abuse. This can become a catalyst for the victim beginning to doubt their own perceptions and judgement, leading to increased self doubt and guilt. The abuser may during this phase shower the victim with attention, gifts, etc.

The next blog post will examine the characteristics of verbal and emotional abuse which is extremely damaging to the victim. Remember if you or someone that you know are ensnared in an abusive relationship, there is help available 24/7: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.