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Grace and Peace, Beloved of God! Welcome back to Judah’s Roar-r-r! Please remember to read, “like”, comment and share our blog.
We have a mandate from the Lord in this season to expose the darkness that resides in the homes, hearts and minds of some who profess a personal relationship with the Lord.
Some have mega platforms and/or a tremendous social media reach. Others aren’t as well known, but all, on the surface present as charismatic, God loving men and women. What do they have in common? They terrorize loved ones after the benediction. They seemingly morph into a completely different entity behind closed doors. This must stop.
The Mantra of Judah’s Roar-r-r in this hour is this: “Stop Domestic Violence in the Church! It Dishonors the Lord!”
The first thing that many people say in response to hearing about a situation in which domestic violence is alleged to be occurring is: ” If it’s that bad, why doesn’t [the victim] leave [the abuser]?”
There are many reasons that victims of domestic violence ( whether female or male) may stay with their abuser, including:
- Fear of losing custody of their children
- Financial dependence on the income of the abuser
- Shame, which accompanies a failed relationship
- Archaic religious convictions.
- The existence of a very intense Trauma Bond. The Trauma Bond is very closely related to the “Stockholm Syndrome”.
- Loss of status
- A long held core belief that family stays together “no matter what”.
What is Stockholm Syndrome?
The Stockholm Syndrome is defined by Wikipedia as: “a condition that causes hostages to Develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.” These feelings are generally viewed as irrational, in light of the severity of the danger and risk endured by the victim. Stockholm syndrome consists of intense emotional ties that develop between two people when when one of them intermittently harasses, threatens, abuses, or assaults the other. The hostage exhibits a bond with, identifies with or sympathizes with their captor. This phrase was coined after a 6 day bank siege which occurred in Sweden in August of 1973 in which it was observed that a bond had developed between hostages and captors.
Now, let’s take a look a the Trauma Bond.
What is a Trauma Bond?
A Trauma Bond is evident when the victim demonstrates loyalty to a person who is destructive towards them. Wikipedia defines it this way:
“A Trauma Bond occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.”
Intermittent reinforcement in my opinion is the most intense type of reinforcement there is. It forms the foundation for many addictions. The constant “promise” or “possibility” of a positive outcome pulls the victim further and further into the Trauma Bond. This is the “stuff” that Soul Ties are made of.
When a Trauma Bond – or Soul Tie exists, there is an incredibly intense attachment to the abuser – even to the detriment of the victim.
The Trauma Bond has nothing to do with love on the part of the abuser. It’s all about power and control.
A victim may override ambivalence long enough to report the abuse, but at the same time crave comfort or reassurance from the abuser.
In any abusive relationship, there is a definite and potentially deadly imbalance of power.
The longer the relationship continues, the greater the challenge in terms of the victim having the wherewithal to leave the abuser. This ambivalence or mixed feelings is one of the primary reasons that victims leave abusive situations and return several times, before gaining the strength emotionally to exit the toxic relationship for good.
This ambivalence is also what causes first responders and even family members and friends apprehension concerning intervening. There is a very good chance that depending on the strength of the Trauma Bond, the victim will return to the abuser despite warnings from loved ones.
The abuser maintains control by sometimes”rewarding” the victim by paying a compliment, buying gifts, using terms of endearment or using a softer, gentler tone . These “rewards” frequently are interspersed with “gentle reminders” of how important the victim is to them, that “no one else could ever understand” the victim the way the abuser does, and that if the victim would just “try a little harder” the abuser would have no reason to be disappointed in them. You get the idea.
Once the victim takes the bait, the trap is set.
It’s now time for more verbal, emotional or even physical abuse to reinforce the total control that the abuser has decided is his or her due. Embarrassment due to having dropped a restraining order, violating an existing restraining order or returning to live with the abuser may further isolate the victim from a healthy support network.
Shame may be the catalyst for lying regarding “show much better” things are now, etc. Typically, the abuse intensifies , and the cycle of violence continues.
If you or someone you know is trapped in a cycle of violence, there is help available 24/7.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Deaf and Hard of Hearing TTY: 1-800-787-3224
Please know that we are standing with you and warring for you, in the realm of the spirit! We believe God. He is a strong deliverer, and He is faithful! He loves us with an everlasting love!
#SilentEpidemic #SecretSin # DomesticViolence #VerbalAbuse #TraumaBond # Gaslighting #Yes,InTheChurch
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