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Welcome to Judah’s Roar-r-r, Beloved of God!
This blog post will continue to endeavor to expose the “silent epidemic” that has gripped the Church for far too long: Domestic Violence. Lion of Judah Global Impact Ministries, of which I am Overseer and Visionary, has a mandate from the Lord, in this season, to educate, increase awareness and bring accountability to the Church. It is impossible to effectively advance the Kingdom of God, when we are battering – either verbally or physically- our fellow man. There are no circumstances under which unprovoked assault is justified. It simply is not okay. Do you know what else is not okay? Looking the other way, or “twisting” scripture to justify the abuse itself or doing nothing about it.
In previous blog posts we have defined “Domestic Violence”, examined the ” Cycle of Violence”, as well as Emotional Abuse and statistics that shed light on this very damaging phenomenon and it’s presence in the church. This blog post will focus on exposing the tactics that the abuser typically uses in order to strip the victim of a positive self image – as well as their dignity, self respect and sanity. Yes, I said sanity. It’s that deep.
WHAT IS “GASLIGHTING”?
To gaslight means to manipulate (someone) by Psychological means into literally questioning their own sanity.
Wikipedia describes it this way:
” A form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception and sanity.”
The term has its origin from a 1938 play and 1944 film , “Gaslight” in which a husband tampered with the Gaslighting in his home in order to drive his wife “crazy”.
Simply stated, Gaslighting is a very cruel, and mean spirited “mind game”, with the goal being complete control of the targeted victim.
Once this has been accomplished, the victim will be more likely to believe whatever they are told by the abuser. Over time, the victim comes to distrust the very instincts that have served them well their entire life. Eventually, whatever the abuser chooses to tell the victim, takes precedence over even their own experiences. As bizarre as this sounds, it is very common – even in the church. This sets the stage for other kinds of emotional abuse and physical abuse.
GASLIGHTING TACTICS
The Bible declares: My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge ( Hosea 4:6, NIV). This does not refer to only lack of knowledge of the Word of God. This refers to knowledge of how to dwell in and navigate life skillfully. In some instances, we have become so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good.
In order to be effective and strategic in both prayer and spiritual warfare, we must discern the tactics utilized by the enemy of our soul. We have a responsibility to educate ourselves and avail ourselves of the “intelligence” (inside information) needed in order to soundly defeat the enemy.
The devil thrives in darkness. What banishes darkness? Light!! We (the Church) are to be salt and light. The Church must get back to being the church.
Let’s familiarize ourselves with the most common “Gaslighting Tactics”:
- Withholding: the abuser pretends to lack understanding, refuses to listen, and refrains from sharing emotions. An example of this would be “I’m not listening to that again, or ” you’re just trying to confuse the issue/ change the subject.”
- Countering: the abuser angrily and persistently calls into question a victims memory, even though the victim recalls things accurately, I.e., ” you know that you have problems with your memory” , “the last time you thought that you were right, you were wrong, remember?” or “you’re imagining things”.
- Blocking and Diverting: the abuser questions the victims thought process: “Is that another crazy idea that you got from those people at church?”
- Trivializing: the abuser causes the victims’ feelings and needs seem completely unimportant : “Really?! You’re going to let a little thing like that upset you?!”, “You are entirely too ‘sensitive’!”
- Abusive “Denial” or “Forgetting: The abuser pretends to forget things that have actually occurred; denying promises that have been made – especially if it is important to the victim.
- Stage Setting: In very extreme Gaslighting situations, the abuser may actually “set the stage” for Gaslighting I.e., moving the victims car keys, in order to cause the victim to believe that they have misplaced them. Then, for a “finishing touch”, the abuser may “help” the victim locate the “misplaced” keys.
Does any of this sound or feel familiar? Is it because you are a victim? Are you the abuser? Either way, GET HELP. The Lord loves you. This must stop. It should not be named among believers.
***The next blog post will take a close look at the signs that are indicative of being a victim of Gaslighting .
If you, or someone you know are a victim or perpetrator of Domestic Violence, there is help available 24/7:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
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#JudahsRoar-r-r# DomesticViolence#Emotional Abuse#Gaslighting#Church#Ministry
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