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Greetings, Beloved of God
Welcome to Judah’s Roar-r-r! We have a mandate from the Lord in this season to bring attention to the “Silent Epidemic” that is gripping His Church: Domestic Violence. It’s been far too long that we have collectively looked the other way, while those that we claim to love are either bound by a foul, abusive spirit or being systematically abused by someone that they have trusted.
In many cases, both parties confess Christ. Also in many cases one or both parties hold leadership positions in ministry. Domestic Violence is the “Silent Epidemic” that has influenced every aspect of ministry, from the pulpit to the door. The silence from ministry leaders and seasoned believers on this topic is deafening. Let the record reflect: We will cry aloud and spare not – even if we must do it alone.
How can we possibly offer up authentic praise and worship knowing what we know, and doing nothing about it? Have we forgotten that our offering worship and the Lord accepting our worship are two completely different things? He is not obligated to receive worship that is tainted or impure.
In this segment we are going to explore and expose Emotional Abuse: What it is, and what it looks like when it manifests. Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship? Is someone that you know being emotionally abused? Are you emotionally abusive to others?
What is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional Abuse, also called Psychological Abuse, has been defined on the Healthy Place website : Healthy Place For Your Mental Health as
“any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity and self worth”.
Abuse Occurs in Cycles
Abuse tends to occur in cycles. Typically one partner, in an attempt to establish dominance, verbally denigrates or demeans the other. Also typically, they are not particularly interested in experiencing any negative consequences of their behavior. This is confirmed when various and sundry excuses and rationalizations are made to justify emotionally abusive and hurtful behavior. As in other types of abuse, the acting out or Crisis behavior is followed by cajoling, gifts, lavishing apologies and compliments upon the victim – or simply acting as though the emotionally abusive behavior has never occurred.
Victims Often Blame Themselves
It’s not unusual for the victim, wanting desperately to believe that the abuser is “sorry”, or “didn’t mean it” to make excuses for the abuser: ” a tough day at work”, or “frustrated by financial pressures” for example. The victim may go as far as to blame themselves: ” I should have dinner ready on time” or “the Bible says that I should “submit”. Scripture, taken out of context is frequently used to justify behavior that frankly dishonors the Lord. In most cases, it’s been my observation that the “responsibility” for the abusers behavior is placed squarely on the victim ( “I wouldn’t have said those things if you hadn’t _______________.”* you fill in the blank).
Often, victims fail to grasp that they are in fact, in an abusive relationship simply because the abuse has not escalated to the point of physical abuse. Physical abuse results in bruises, broken bones, scars. Emotional and verbal abuse are as damaging as physical abuse – except the scars are not visible.
The thing that is particularly alarming and concerning, is the frequency with which Christians are given horrific advice when they seek counsel from ministry leadership. There are several explanations for this: the ministry leader may Him or herself be either an abuser or the ongoing victim of abuse. They may have a history of abuse themselves, and have not adequately processed their own hurt. Then, there are times when plain old pride and ego will not allow a ministry leader to acknowledge that they are attempting to counsel outside of their scope of expertise.
Once, several years ago, a woman called me. She was very upset and distressed because her husband was blatantly having an extramarital affair with another woman in her local church. Her husband made no attempt to hide it and was seen around town with the other woman. The woman that called me, decided to seek counsel from her Pastor. I had serious misgivings about that….I felt unsettled in my spirit about it. I was not convinced that he would be objective. My concern was that he would not be supportive. My worst fears were realized when she called me – hysterical and in a rage –After receiving counsel from her Pastor.
I enlisted the assistance of another minister. I connected him to a conference call with her, and asked that he keep her talking until I arrived at her house. As I drove to her house, I asked the Lord to dispatch angels ahead of me. She had a shotgun, and had plans to kill her husband, then her children ( because she felt that she didn’t have anyone to care for them) and then herself. Fortunately, her children were in school and her husband was not at home.
The Lord extended His grace, and literally told me what to say to her. She gave me the shotgun after awhile, and I was able to get her professional help. What was the catalyst for her deciding in the heat of the moment that committing a triple murder – suicide was her only option? She said that her Pastor advised her to ” go home and be a good wife”. His advice literally pushed her over the edge. Honestly, I get as angry thinking about it now, as I did when she first shared it with me, many years ago. Church, we MUST do better. Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross to secure not only eternal life for us, but abundant life – in this life! There is absolutely no reason for a Christian to be bound. Period.
Emotional and verbal abuse are Abuse. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, Get Help. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed.
Emotional and verbal abuse are often precursors to physical abuse. Ongoing emotional and verbal abuse serve to dehumanize the victim – reducing the victim to a possession .This sets the stage for physical abuse.
Domestic Abuse Hotline:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Safety alert: computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224
In our next blog post, we will define, discuss and explore ” Gaslighting” and other tactics used in abusive relationships.
#DomesticViolence #EmotionalAbuse # Church#Judahsroarrr#Ministry#LionofJudahGlobalImpactMinistries