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We have a mandate from the Lord in this season to “cry aloud and spare not” regarding this demonic scourge that attempts to hold hostage the hearts and minds of God’s people. Domestic Violence is called the “Silent Epidemic” of the Church. Particularly concerning is the Deafening Silence from ministry leaders – yes, even those who hold 5 fold ministry office. This should not be the case. The church must get back to being the church. The Lord is not pleased.
Love Bombing – What is it?
This particular post will examine “Love Bombing”. If we are going to confront and disarm the enemy in this hour, we must understand how it is that he gains leverage in the first place. The Bible admonishes us :
Wisdom is the principal thing ; therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting get understanding ( Proverbs 4:7, KJV)
The Bible further declares:
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…(Hosea 4:6a, KJV)
What has this got to do with Domestic Violence? I’m glad you asked! When we talk about eradicating domestic violence from the church, we must have a battle plan, a strategy. To this end, we, the “Church” must be aware, knowledgeable and skilled in strategic spiritual warfare. We must be educated in practical ways regarding how to accurately discern the presence of this demonic activity, and effective ways of rendering it inoperable.
Let’s take a closer look at the tactic known as “Love Bombing”:
Wikipedia defines Love Bombing as: “can attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.” love Bombing is a tactic used by cults to gain control of those predisposed to this tactics. Those who have used “Love Bombing” extensively and to the detriment of their targets are among others,
- The “Moonies” cult
- David Koresh (Branch Davidians; Waco, Texas)
- “Rev” Jim Jones. (Guyana)
There are several classic characteristics present when Love- Bombing is in play:
- ” Over-the-top” attention, flattery, compliments – even gifts.
- A sense of intense anticipation, a whirlwind “I can’t believe I’ve finally found someone that appreciates my value sensation”; the feeling of being “swept off of your feet”.
- The Love Bomber invariably keeps him/herself ever in the fore front of the targets’ mind, either by always being physically present, or texting, emailing, calling or commenting on social media incessantly.
- If the relationship moves forward at this point, it is because the “target” over rides any “alarms” or misgivings that they initially experienced.
- The “target” will be pressured, more often than not to make a rapid commitment ( i.e., meeting family, shopping for engagement rings, speaking presumptively in the future tense about life together or wanting to move in together – or rarely go home). This may all occur in a very short period of time ( days or weeks).
I submit to you that under conditions in which intense emotion is experienced repeatedly with another individual, a “Soul Tie” is established in the realm of the spirit.
The combination of words and action makes it an extremely powerful and convincing tactic – especially if the Love Bomber has done an adequate job of identifying a viable “target”.
As a reminder, the 3 stages of an abusive relationship, as discussed in a previous blog post ( “Anatomy of an Abusive Relationship”) are: Promote, Devalue and Discard
Promote : You are placed on a pedestal: Anyone that has mistreated you in the past is labeled a “fool” for not recognizing how truly amazing you really are. Your faults are minimized and your strengths are embellished. You receive a steady, well calculated diet of ” 5 course meals” – with rich desserts served first. You are being indoctrinated, groomed for the next stage. This is when “love bombing” is initiated. This stage may continue for months….
Devalue: During this stage, the verbal and emotional abuse begin very covertly, and increase in intensity and frequency over time. Gaslighting (discussed in previous posts), is alive and well! The victim is informed ( sometimes angrily, sometimes in a calm, reasonable tone of voice) that they seem incapable of doing anything right, and that they are being influenced by others outside of the relationship. Jealousy of anyone (family or friends) that are a support system to the victim becomes evident. The victim is shamed, berated and denigrated.
Discard: During this stage, you are reminded constantly, that you have no value and are without real purpose. After all, if you were at least “adequate” the abuser would be happier. He/she is “tired” of your character defects. In their opinion, they have been incredibly patient with you. During this stage you are summarily abandoned, depleted of a positive self image and in some instances your self respect is long gone. You may be tempted to succumb to a mindset of hopelessness and self loathing.
The abuser abandons you physically, emotionally or both. More likely than not, you are embarrassed, humiliated, fractured emotionally, spiritually and financially.
Are You A Viable “Target ” for the Love Bomber?
Are you a viable target for the “Love Bomber?” Let’s See:
Love Bombing typically is only effective with those who are predisposed or vulnerable to it. What are the indicators that you may be vulnerable to this tactic?
Love Bombers are predators. I call them ” Critters”. They aren’t interested in a long protracted scenario that would require ongoing work, to maintain the facade. They prefer easy prey. If you are not easily intoxicated with flattery and attention, chances are they will move on. What qualities are the Love Bomber on the prowl for?
- Someone with co-dependency issues that are rooted in childhood.
- This can manifest in many ways, for example: a “people pleaser”, someone who is very uncomfortable being alone,
- Someone that has a high tolerance for abuse (inappropriate application of scripture encourages this)
- Someone that has an intense desire to be needed by others; a rescuer.
- If a Love Bomber has latched onto you he/she undoubtedly perceives that you are : a) a kind and obliging individual. They also perceive that you are b) trusting, and wear a custom made pair of rose -colored glasses through which you view life. The icing on the cake is if you are essentially non-confrontational.
- It is very important to note that the aforementioned ” eligibility criteria” apply both to Male and female victims. Men are the victims of abuse also.
At some point, in the midst of the fairy tale portion of this love bombing extravaganza, the mask will begin to slip and you will get a glimpse of the critter that lives behind the mask. It appears almost without warning. The Love Bomber will readily explain it away, if you don’t oblige them by excusing it first.
Are you in a relationship with someone, and you aren’t quite sure if you are being “Love Bombed” or not? Are you ready to find out?
Do this: Tell them ” No” – about anything – and wait. See who shows up. See if they charge headfirst into devaluing you. Remember, devaluation signals that you have entered Stage 2 of an abusive relationship.
In future blog posts, we will continue to explore the Silent Epidemic of Domestic Violence which is prevalent in the Church. It must stop. It Dishonors the Lord.
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Come Out of Bondage – the Lord has need of you!