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Grace and Peace Beloveds!
Thank you for visiting “Judah’s Roar-r”!
We have a mandate from the Lord to Cry Aloud and Spare Not….to utter a loud deep cry or howl as in excitement, distress or anger. That’s precisely what we are committed to doing! In this post, we will explore the “Anatomy of an Abusive Relationship”.
Many are ensnared simply because they lack discernment and understanding regarding how the enemy operates in this area. We are all about facilitating – being a catalyst for your breaking free!
One definition of “Roar” is:
Roar: To make a loud sound or din, as thunder, cannon, waves or wind.
(Dictionary.com)
Domestic violence has been called the ” Silent Epidemic” that is gripping the church of the Most High God. This is only possible because the church has neglected to address this ungodly behavior appropriately. Scripture has systematically been twisted, for years to justify engaging in abusive behaviors, condemning the victims of abuse or protecting those who do so.
Understand this: The Lord is not pleased.
We have a responsibility to educate ourselves so that we can war an effective warfare against this stronghold. Ready to be equipped? Let’s Go!
Anatomy of an Abusive Relationship
Anatomy [uh-nat-uh-mee]: the structure of an animal or plant, or any of its parts ; an analysis or minute examination. ( Dictionary.com)
Remember Beloveds, Abusive Relationships manifest in a cyclical fashion:
Abusive relationships, in my experience as both a victim, career mental health professional and seasoned minister of the Gospel begin in what I called a “flipped around” manner.
Abusive relationships are out of order from the very beginning.
What do I mean by this? I’m glad you asked! The illusion of VERY happily ever after is presented initially.
It’s similar to going to a stellar, 5 star restaurant for a 5 course meal – and being served a delectable, rich dessert BEFORE your main course.
On the surface, this may seem appealing, and creative – even romantic. The reality is if you eat the rich, fattening and flavorful dessert first it will impact your desire for the most nutritious portion of your meal. Truth be told, having your “dessert” first ruins your appetite for the Truth. It ruins your palate.
Are you still with me? Let’s take a closer look:
The 3 Stages of an Abusive Relationship: Promote, Devalue & Discard
- Promote : You are placed on a pedestal: Anyone that has mistreated you in the past is labeled a “fool” for not recognizing how truly amazing you really are. Your faults are minimized and your strengths are embellished. You receive a steady, well calculated diet of ” 5 course meals” – with rich desserts served first. You are being indoctrinated, groomed for the next stage. This is when “love bombing” is initiated. This stage may continue for months….
- Devalue: During this stage, the verbal and emotional abuse begin very covertly, and increase in intensity and frequency over time. Gaslighting (discussed in previous posts), is alive and well! The victim is informed ( sometimes angrily, sometimes in a calm, reasonable tone of voice) that they seem incapable of doing anything right, and that they are being influenced by others outside of the relationship. Jealousy of anyone (family or friends) that are a support system to the victim becomes evident. The victim is shamed, berated and denigrated
- Discard: During this stage, you are reminded constantly, that you have no value and are without real purpose. After all, if you were at least “adequate” the abuser would be happier. He/she is “tired” of your character defects. In their opinion, they have been incredibly patient with you. During this stage you are summarily abandoned, depleted of a positive self image and in some instances your self respect is long gone. You may be tempted to succumb to a mindset of hopelessness and self loathing. The abuser abandons you physically, emotionally or both. More likely than not, you are embarrassed, humiliated, fractured emotionally, spiritually and financially.
WARNING SIGNS! DO NOT IGNORE THEM! :
Does any of this resonate with you? Does it sound or feel familiar? Listen, whether you are the victim or the abuser, this must stop! The Lord is dishonored in such relationships. Unhealthy soul ties are established in such relationships. These soul ties are the result of Trauma Bonding which we will examine in a future blog post.
Prophetic Challenge: Ministry Leaders, the Lord is REQUIRING in this hour that the scourge of Domestic Violence upon the church is addressed first, in your own home and lives and then from the platforms that He has entrusted to you. This is a mandate, and not simply a suggestion. No Exceptions!
Help is available 24|7:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotline.org
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Deaf and Hard of Hearing TTY: 1-800-787-3224
Please know that we are standing with you, warring both with you and for you in the realm of the Spirit! We believe God. He is a strong deliver! He loves us with an everlasting love.
COME OUT OF BONDAGE. THE LORD HAS NEED OF YOU. WE ARE KEEPING YOU LIFTED IN PRAYER. BE ENCOURAGED! DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP!!
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